Restoration Page 2

  Carly smirked. Devotion in the form of greasy, high-calorie fast food. She reached for the bag, pulled out the sandwich, unwrapped it and stuffed it in her mouth. While chewing, she shrugged and said, “Okay?”

  “Okay. Make sure you eat it all. Oh, and ...” she reached in her pocket and pulled out a folded-up sheet of paper, “he wanted me to give you this, too.”

  Carly eyed it suspiciously, eyebrows scrunched. Then she met eyes with Haley. “Thank you.” Carly took the paper and laid it on her desk.

  Haley watched her expectantly. An awkward moment stretched between them. “All right. I’m going.”

  Carly waved two fingers at her in farewell. She forced herself to finish the breakfast, and then she pulled the paper closer. She hesitated a second before she opened the paper.

  “I’ll be over to see you and Grace tonight at seven.”

  RYAN MELROSE PULLED into a parking space outside of Carly’s apartment. He sat, willing his racing pulse to calm. His stomach complained with a slight case of nausea. It had never been easy for him to admit when he was wrong. Of course, he had never been so totally, colossally wrong before in his life.

  Growing up as the only child of a ER physician dad and nurse mom, he had everything a kid could ask for. His room was filled with every toy that covered the shelves of Toys R Us. If he wanted it, he asked for it and he got it. What he didn’t have was family time. His parents didn’t work normal hours, come home for dinner and tuck him in at night. They worked whenever they were needed. Ryan was secondary. Most of his childhood, he’d sit at home, a babysitter in the living room while he was squirreled away in his room playing with his warehouse of toys.

  For him, college wasn’t a choice; it was an expectation. His parents had inserted that knowledge deep into his consciousness from the time he was in kindergarten. You weren’t done with school until you were fully educated and prepared to work productively in your field. He’d chosen Accounting. So that meant a Bachelors, then his CPA and most likely, an MBA or a Masters in Accountancy. His mind raced, counting up the number of years he’d be committed to full-time education, just to meet his parents’ expectations. And he was only two years in.

  He loved college, just as he knew he would. He’d always been a good student. It’s what he did. Life could be a lot worse than attending one of the best universities in the country, focusing on the subject he loved most.

  But.

  The baby was the surprise factor. No one expected him to knock up his high school girlfriend. No, that was definitely not part of anyone’s plan.

  He shook his head, closed his eyes and let his head fall back to the headrest. If he had to narrow down the most difficult things he’d ever had to do in his life, admitting to his parents what he’d done was at the top of the list.

  His future would be put on hold, he told his mom and dad. He’d get a job, help support Grace, and go to college in a couple of years when things had become a bit more stable. That was the responsible thing to do. The honorable thing.

  But his parents didn’t see it that way. They put their heads together and decided he wouldn’t change any of his plans. Instead, they would help Carly when she needed it. They would see their granddaughter regularly. He would go away to college.

  The sense of relief that flooded through his body when they’d delivered their judgement was undeniable. His parents had his back. Their disappointment in him stung. So did their anger at him for jeopardizing his future. But they didn’t disown him. They didn’t walk away. They loved him and supported him, despite his mistakes.

  See? He could still be a success, even with this setback. When they presented their idea to him, his first instinct was to object. But he was so grateful for their forgiveness that he didn’t want to rock the boat. If they thought it was the right thing for him, then it must be. He went along with it. Regardless of what that decision did to Grace. And Carly.

  Two years later, he could no longer deny the error of his ways. He had no business being away at college, focusing on preparing for his future, while Carly was stuck here, dealing with her present. The reality that he helped create. Where was his commitment? Where were his priorities?

  Unlike his parents, his priority would now be his daughter. Not his career. He wanted to know Grace. He wanted Grace to know him. Time was slipping away, and he had to change his circumstances right now.

  And he needed Carly’s agreement to do it.

  He cleared his throat. He drew a hand through his hair and took a quick look in the rearview mirror. I could use your help, God, he prayed silently. He got out of the car, straightened his legs and walked toward the building.

  THE DOORBELL RANG AT 7 pm sharp.

  It didn’t surprise Carly. Ryan had always been on time, disciplined in every aspect of his life. It wouldn’t surprise her if he’d been sitting outside in his car for fifteen minutes, waiting for the clock to tick to 7 pm. Being early was just as disruptive as being late.

  She’d struggled with what to wear. Getting out of her work clothes this afternoon, she took a moment to wonder what would be appropriate attire for this meeting. Then she got angry. This wasn’t a date or anything that required a careful wardrobe. She’d wear what she always wore for an evening in the apartment: shorts and a t-shirt. Nothing more.

  She pulled the door open and worked to keep her face neutral. The smile that wanted to jump onto her face at the sight of him threatened. Because as much as she didn’t want it to be true, she was still attracted to him, and yes, she supposed in a small corner of her heart that was unguarded, she still loved him.

  And now a frown also wanted to jump on her face because of what he’d done to her. To them. All of them. Sure, getting pregnant at 17 had a way of changing the way you thought you’d live your life. But wouldn’t it have been better if they’d been doing this together all this time? Not her, stuck in their reality while he selfishly lived what was going to be his life’s path anyway?

  So, neutral it was. “Hello, Ryan. Can I help you?”

  He let a chuckle escape, then controlled his smile. He must’ve realized she wasn’t joking. “Yes, hi Carly. Could I come in?”

  She didn’t respond right away, just stood there holding the open door with one hand, staring him down. Trying to make him sweat a little bit. Despite what he thought, she wasn’t a doormat. This was her home, and she’d make the decisions.

  “Please?” His voice softened, and a crease marred the smoothness of his forehead. “It’s about time we talked, don’t you think?”

  Her breath shuddered on the way in. The firm façade she’d wanted to present was chipping away, brick by brick. Geez, that didn’t take long. When Ryan put on his gentle face, spoke in his soft voice just for her, she never could resist. She loved him, and she had for years.

  The problem was, he didn’t love her.

  She stepped aside and let him pass. He did so, happy as a puppy wagging his tail. “Not for long,” she said firmly. She had to retain some kind of control, even though she’d already given in.

  “Right. Is it close to Grace’s bedtime?” he asked, glancing around the apartment.

  Carly shook her head. It was a pity that Grace’s father didn’t have the first clue about her bedtime routine, but such was life. “Grace isn’t home.”

  Ryan’s face fell, just for a second, before he pulled it back to a normal expression. “I’m sorry to hear that. I was looking forward to seeing her.”

  Carly bit back the mean retort at the tip of her tongue. Of course, he’d expected Grace to be here at his beck and call when he’d finally decided to come by. Why wouldn’t he? Life always went his way. “My mom took her shopping for a few fall outfits.”

  “Oh, I see. That’s nice.” He turned his head, looking around tentatively, probably wondering if he should sit or wait for an invitation.

  “So, what’s this about, Ryan?” She didn’t want to invite him to sit.
She didn’t want him to think this was a social call, that he could just come in and sit down and chat and laugh like he was a welcome visitor. There was way too much water under the bridge between them for that.

  As if he could read her mind, he stepped over to the higher countertop in her kitchen, and leaned against it, one elbow up. She stayed where she was, arms crossed pointedly over her chest.

  He cleared his throat which turned into a cough. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Carly. And I’ve been doing some growing up, too. I’ve been looking back over my decisions of the last few years and I realize, I don’t like what I see.”

  He’d been growing up? Try being almost solely responsible for the 24-hour care of an infant, who’d grown into a toddler. Talk about a crash course in growing up. At the age of nineteen, she was more grown up than anyone else she knew. She clamped her mouth to keep the words from coming out.

  “I don’t like where I put my priorities,” he continued, massaging his forehead, probably unconsciously. “I put myself first, my own needs and education. But what about you? You were left here to raise our daughter.”

  He stopped and slid onto a bar stool and locked eyes with Carly's. Those brown eyes that reminded her of a delicious bite of milk chocolate. They’d always gotten to her, made her do things, made her want to do things to gain his favor. She had to arm herself to resist their power. This was not only her life, this was Grace’s too. She couldn’t allow Ryan to crash unfettered into their daughter’s life if all that would happen was he would lose interest and leave her again. Leave them again.

  Because as hard as the first time was to deal with, the second time might just kill her.

  “And I’m doing a darn good job of it, Ryan. With little help from you.”

  “Yes!” His hands darted out, a gesture that implied agreement. “You’re amazing, and you’re raising an amazing little girl. My parents tell me all the time how sweet she is, how loving, how polite. You’ve done a terrific job with her.”

  Carly loosened her arm cross, and her legs suddenly tired, she slid onto the bar stool next to him. He turned his whole body to face her. His signature scent smacked her in the face, and she insisted to herself she not breathe it in.

  “This isn’t about thinking I could improve on what you’re doing or thinking I could do anything better. Not at all. This is about me becoming an adult. This is about me recognizing my responsibilities and not being a selfish SOB.”

  He tentatively reached for her hands, and finding that she didn’t pull back, he grasped them both gently. “This is about me being the man God intends for me to be and fulfilling the role of father. I want to make some changes. I need to make some changes.”

  His voice took on a tone she’d never heard from him before. Determined, convinced, insistent. She had no doubt in that moment that he was speaking from his heart.

  What she didn’t know was how long it would last.

  She sat there, looking into Ryan, this man she had loved for three years of her short life, holding her hands in his, telling her exactly what she wanted to hear. This should be easy. This should make her happy. And yet, she doubted.

  She was the guardian of her own heart. She held the key to the lock on the wall she’d carefully built around it, ensuring that never again would she be unprepared to fight off people who could destroy her emotionally.

  And Enemy Number One sat right in front of her.

  So, before she could argue with herself, talk herself out of it, start to empathize with him and his revelations, she stood, released his grip, walked to the door and opened it.

  “You need to leave, Ryan.”

  HE BLINKED, HIS BODY twisted uncomfortably so he could watch her move across the apartment. He sighed and stood, straightening his long form with slow precision. Full height now, he stilled, his mind whirring with words he could say to get through to her. Of course, Carly wouldn’t just listen to his change of heart and welcome him with open arms. He’d need to work to regain her trust.

  He moved to the door, thinking while he walked. He’d been going at this all wrong. He’d broken Carly’s heart when he’d abandoned her for college. She had every right to be suspicious of him, guarded around him. He’d have to approach this in two separate strategies. First, he’d work to get back into Grace’s life. Then, and only then, could he work on getting back into Carly’s.

  Which meant, no hand holding, no meaningful gazes into her beautiful green eyes. She was the mother of his child, but beyond immeasurable respect for her for doing what she did every day, he couldn’t reveal romantic feelings for her. That’s what had her putting up the shield.

  He reached the door and stood beside her, placing his hands firmly into his jeans pockets. Keep them captured so he couldn’t reach out and unthinkingly tuck a strand of strawberry blonde hair behind her petite ear. So he couldn’t inadvertently brush a knuckle across her cheek while in the vicinity of her beautiful face.

  “I messed up. Again.”

  She frowned, a crease forming in her forehead. Her lips formed to ask a question, then she must’ve thought better of it.

  “I know you don’t trust me, Carly. I’ve given you absolutely no reason why you should. I want to change that. But I know it will take time. It will take effort. I don’t expect to come in here, snap my fingers and get you to understand. Let me ask you for one thing. Can I spend some time with Grace? Just her and I, daddy and daughter, getting acquainted? I want her to know that I’m her daddy. Not just some guy that shows up once in a blue moon with a toy for her.”

  He watched her closely and saw a movie of expressions play over her face. In her heart, she was a good person, a loving person, and she wanted the best for their daughter. She would do the right thing, and allow him this small request, he just knew it.

  She cleared her throat, blinked her eyes and said, “No.”

  “Wha—?”

  She gripped his bicep and put her weight behind pushing him through the doorway. No small feat considering the difference in their sizes. But he found himself on the other side of the door, and before he knew it, a slam alerted him to the fact that she’d put an end to their visit.

  He knocked. “Carly, please. Let me try again. I just want to say ...” What? What could he say to make this better? Oh yeah, the one thing he hadn’t said. The one thing he should’ve started with and had failed to. How did he feel about yelling it now through a closed ... and locked, since he heard the deadbolt slide into place ... door?

  Lord, humble me to do your will.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Carly. This is all my fault, none of it yours. I acknowledge that. I’ve been away too long. I want to try to make it right. Will you give me that chance? Please?” He stood in the hallway, so focused that he barely noticed that a person walked behind him. He glanced up and his face reddened while a man made his way down the hall, trying not to make eye contact with Ryan in this, one of the most humiliating moments of his life.

  It didn’t matter. This wasn’t about him. His pride. His entitlement. This was about making up for past wrongs and getting Carly to trust that he’d do right by their daughter. If he had to get to his knees and grovel for her forgiveness, a position he definitely wasn’t accustomed to, he’d do it.

  “I’m sorry, Carly,” he said again to the door.

  And then, his heart jumped at the sound of the metal deadbolt sliding back in its casing. It was the sound of the doorknob turning. Carly was opening the door.

  SO MUCH FOR THE BRICK wall she’d built around her heart. So much for the anthem ringing in her ears, “I am woman, hear me roar.” So much for protecting herself and her daughter from Ryan’s charms and his good intentions. So much for not doubting for one second that this was a temporary goal of Ryan’s, and soon he’d tire of the responsibility and the reality of caring for a two-year-old.

  His long-awaited apology had touched her. And she’d opened the door
.

  Of course, now that she had, and had seen his face transform from broken-hearted to relieved happiness in seconds flat, she would have to go through with it. She couldn’t back down now.

  “Carly, thank—.”

  She held her hand up. “I have rules.”

  “Of course,” he said softly, as if she would change her mind if he spoke full volume.

  “You can see Grace on Saturday for two hours.”

  His face beamed with an unfettered smile. “Awesome! Thanks, Carly.”

  “But.” She paused until she knew she had his attention. “Not just Grace alone. I’ll be there too.”

  “Oh.” His eyebrows darted up at this news, but he didn’t argue.

  “You make the plans for how to spend two fun hours with our daughter, and you come here to pick us up. What time should we be ready?”

  “Uhhhh,” he stammered. “How about one?”

  “One it is. See you then, Ryan.” She looked down at the floor, knowing that she didn’t want to see his eyes again. She didn’t want to see his reaction to her ultimatum, whether positive or negative, didn’t matter. She was in charge. And he was just going to have to accept that.

  She shut the door, walked to the couch and sat down. Her life was changing. Drastically. New job, new work hours. Now this. How much change could she take all at once? She got up to start her homework.

  He'd better not screw this up.

  Chapter Two

  Saturday at one, Ryan’s deadline for planning a fun outing with his daughter was quickly approaching and he hadn’t settled on anything yet. It was sort of like planning a date, but worlds apart. A first date with a woman was much easier than planning this outing with his daughter. A first date usually involved flowers, a reservation at a nice restaurant and dressing up in a suit.

  On the other hand, Grace would just tear up the flowers, she wouldn’t stop moving long enough to eat a meal, and he wouldn’t be able to crawl around on the ground with her if he had on a suit.